Thursday, November 29, 2007

No jokes today, people

If you've been here before, you well know that I pretty much hate everyone. And if you haven't, you know.

There are, however, exceptions to my general disdain for the human race. One of them is my friend DeeDee, who somehow always manages to be as kind, compassionate, and funny as she is gorgeous.

Sadly, I learned today that DeeDee's father lost his battle with lung cancer on November 18.

Her pop was a dashingly handsome, charming, hardworking man who raised wonderful kids and treated his wife like gold. The rarity of men like him makes his an even greater loss.

Because she is her dad's girl, DeeDee is thinking of others during her own most difficult days, and has chosen to do something productive with her pain. Instead of curling up in a heartbroken ball like most of us would, she's decided to raise money for Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center as a way to show her appreciation for the care they provided for her father over the last three years.

My girl DeeDee, she doesn't screw around. She's set a fundraising goal of $25,000 for herself in the next year. If she succeeds, a wall at the hospital will be dedicated in memory of her dad.

There's not much I can do to help or comfort Dee and her family right now. What I can do is ask you to help her meet her goal, and help save lives by funding lung cancer research. It is presently the least-funded of all forms of cancer research, due in part to the perception that only smokers get it. Not so. DeeDee's dad hadn't smoked in over 40 years, and according to Sloan Kettering, 20% of their lung cancer patients have never smoked at all.

I know it's a tough time of year, and most of us don't have much money to spare. But if you can, please click here to make a donation in memory of Peter Hatzis. If not now, no can be sure that I'll give you several reminders throughout the coming year. Either way, thank you, very sincerely.

As for you, Mr. will be as lovingly remembered as you are terribly missed by everyone who knew you. Rest well.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Black Friday is for douchebags

Screw holiday shopping, and those who engage in it today.

The only places I'm going are the dollar store and the liquor store. In that order.

Ho ho fuckin' ho.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Further Adventures in Irony...or, And Then He Punched Me in the Face

11:00 PM. Helen and David O stand around looking prettily disaffacted, slurping beer from cans and checking out boys in the crowd at the (incredible) Beat the Devil show at Cakeshop. (Photos here.)

Helen: Ooooh...look at that one. Dang!

David O: Mmmmmmm...

H: That salt and pepper hair absolutely ruins me.

DO: Absolutely.

H: I think I'm gonna walk by and slip my underwear into his pocket.

DO (raising a single eyebrow): Gerl!

H: What? I can get my panties off without removing my jeans.

DO (looking shocked and incredulous): Huh? No! How?

H: A lady never tells.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

And then I punched her in the face

6:30 PM. Two teenaged girls get on the downtown 5 train at Union Square. One is shoveling horrible-smelling, ketchup-drenched french fries into her consistently open mouth with a fork.

Fry-eater (loudly, mouth full): You know Rayquonda?

Friend of fry-eater: Who?

FE (spraying bits of chewed potato on friend): RAYQUONDA!

FOFE: Oh yeah. What about her?

FE (smacking lips, slurping fries mid-sentence:) She is so RUDE!

Thursday, November 08, 2007

The Big Snip

Grady was neutered last Friday. He's six months old now, and it was time to get it done before he started spraying my apartment with godawful this-is-my-territory piss.

He's fine, and was back to indiscriminate destruction and nearly intolerable cuteness by Sunday afternoon.

But his empty, shaven little looks like a baby gerbil.

Not pretty.

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Thursday, November 01, 2007

An interlude to the indifference

Though I truly have lost interest in this forum for a variety of reasons that may or may not influence me indefinitely, I felt it vital that I share some desperately important and shocking news with you, my special, special people. Because I care. Yes. will likely be completely astonished to discover that mullet-headed, white-trash Middle-American dirtbags are sometimes racists too. Hard to grasp, I know, but try. For me.

The second revelation is, perhaps, somewhat more surprising.

I don't know when or how it happened, kids...but J.K. Rowling is officially a MILF.

Hubba hubba!
I guess a few billion well-earned ducats don't hurt nothin' when it comes to glam. Git it gurl.

All right then. Back to being too good for all of this.
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