Judge not, lest ye be stupid
Last night I mustered my gumption and made my way up the block to wash clothes at the 24-hour laundromat. It was mercifully, surprisingly uncrowded; the only other patrons were a moderately obese woman and a desperately thin woman, who were doing their laundry together and speaking animatedly in a language I could not identify.
The larger woman left briefly, and when she returned, she was carrying a large plastic bag and a jumbo-sized Breyer's Ice Cream tub.
"Jesus christ," I thought. "She's gonna sit here in this filthy laundromat and eat that whole gallon of ice cream. That is SO gross. No wonder she's huge! Jesus christ! And damn...now I want some ice cream too. Son of a..."
She set the plastic bag on the floor, placed the tub on top of a washer, and opened the lid.
It was, of course, full of powdered laundry soap.
God I'm an asshole.
The larger woman left briefly, and when she returned, she was carrying a large plastic bag and a jumbo-sized Breyer's Ice Cream tub.
"Jesus christ," I thought. "She's gonna sit here in this filthy laundromat and eat that whole gallon of ice cream. That is SO gross. No wonder she's huge! Jesus christ! And damn...now I want some ice cream too. Son of a..."
She set the plastic bag on the floor, placed the tub on top of a washer, and opened the lid.
It was, of course, full of powdered laundry soap.
God I'm an asshole.
posted by Helen the Felon at 4:51 PM
12 Comments:
hahaha!! i adore you. recognizing your assholeness is what makes ya wonderful. i am an asshole too. it's always such a shock to realize.
Gumption.
I've not heard that word in ages! I need to start using it again. Thanks for reintroducing it to me.
GumpShen! Whee.
I think you were just upset with yourself for wanting the ice cream. Its ok. Everyone deserves a little ice cream now and then.
Hey, jumping to conclusions can be really fun. Man, the view is GREAT from up here.
So. Was she using Rocky Road, or say Neopolitan laundry soap? Just askin'.
Um.. that should be Neapolitan. Hey, it's 4:30 in the morning!
Identify with your inner asshole, identify with your inner asshole, identify with your inner asshole.
Wow, this mantra makes meditation so much easier!
You are fast becoming the oracle of Brooklyn, pronouncing truth and wisdom to the land. The helenation of America is upon us.
I am confused. Why would she want to eat a tub of laundry soap?
I wonder what this woman keeps in her her bottle of liquid Tide®™©™?
Carmel sauce, lioux.
But how do you think that Breyer's tub got emptied in the first place?
You know, I would probably be thinking the same thing, and I AM that fat woman.
Then I'd think, "mmm... ice cream," and leave the store to get some.
If, you know, I ever had the gumption to do my own damn laundry.
Assholes unite!
Post a Comment
<< Home