Time Out Ninth Circle
Anyway, here are some things you should and/or shouldn't do this Memorial Day weekend. (Please note that nearly all items were attempted/experienced and reviewed by me personally within the last week or so, and I know what the fuck I'm talking about.)
BAD / NOT FUN / DON'T DO / NO:
- Pass kidney stone(s) in emergency room(s)
- Unpack box after box of shit you can't believe you even have
- Spill soy sauce on brand new duvet
- Think too much about the fact that you've been out of high school for 15 g.d. years
- Believe Janet's lies. Movie role...sure, honey.
- Giggle uncontrollably when speaking to your new urologist, even if his name really is Dr. Weiner (No, really.)
GOOD / FUN / DO / YES:
- If you must move, hire Winkel Moves
- Tell 911 operator how long it's been since you last got laid, so she'll believe you're not pregnant. Follow that with "I'm just sick, I'm not fucking retarded! Jesus Christ lady!"
- X3, bitches!
- Strip down to underwear, eat Chinese food in front of TV
- See New Professionals at Redd's Tavern and/or the Delancey on Saturday night
- Buy missed episodes of Lost on iTunes, get caught up now that season is over (sigh)
- Hump a sailor
- Visit a museum
- Casually say hello to a famous person, as if you're old friends
- Slap a tourist (more than once, if you can)
Enjoy! (Or don't. Whatever.)