Newsflasher
I love (and I mean LOVE) slow newsdays. That's the only time the drooling masses (that would be us) hear about what's REALLY going on in this wondrous, festering meth-sore of a world.
For example, today I learned that Kayne West is well on his way out of the closet. Either that or Puffy (oh, I'm sorry, I mean DIDDY) is, and Kayne is just softening us up. Either way, it won't be long before I have a new gay friend, and this one will be FAMOUS! Hott!
In another fascinating report, I was shocked to find out how sensitive people can be. When my cell phone bill arrived addressed to Helen the Filthy Little Slut Damnation, I just figured someone at Sprint had a crush on me. Go figger.
On a more serious note (okay, not really), I'll never get the entourage job I applied for with Carlos Santana. I'm afraid my chi's just been way too fucked up lately. Tragic.
If you had any questions left about who should replace Jennings, I'm sure they've now been answered.
For example, today I learned that Kayne West is well on his way out of the closet. Either that or Puffy (oh, I'm sorry, I mean DIDDY) is, and Kayne is just softening us up. Either way, it won't be long before I have a new gay friend, and this one will be FAMOUS! Hott!
In another fascinating report, I was shocked to find out how sensitive people can be. When my cell phone bill arrived addressed to Helen the Filthy Little Slut Damnation, I just figured someone at Sprint had a crush on me. Go figger.
On a more serious note (okay, not really), I'll never get the entourage job I applied for with Carlos Santana. I'm afraid my chi's just been way too fucked up lately. Tragic.
If you had any questions left about who should replace Jennings, I'm sure they've now been answered.
posted by Helen the Felon at 4:51 PM
2 Comments:
good post... thanks.
that is the funniest fucking story i have ever read. thanks for the larf. my fave line:
"But when she got her August bill from Comcast she had no trouble understanding she'd made somebody mad. It was addressed to "Bitch Dog."
hahahahaha! classic.
Post a Comment
<< Home